Pride and Prejudice: A Proposal Gone Wrong

This clip comes from a film adaptation of Jane Austen’s Pride & Prejudice. I loved both the book and this film, and I thought this particular scene was quite apt in highlighting different conversational styles between a man and a woman, and how the interpretation of these differences can all go terribly wrong. Here, Mr Darcy declares his love and proposes to Elizabeth, who is somewhat drawn to him, despite some sever misgivings.

It’s not difficult to see why Elizabeth was outraged. Rather than his proposal giving her real confirmation of his love and affection, his focus on how objectionable a partner she was, and how his feelings were unable to find more rational judgement did just the opposite. To Elizabeth, rather than trying to convince her of his love, Mr Darcy gives her every reason to run from him. Of course this is not Mr Darcy’s true intention, but he clearly did not consider how she as a woman might have taken his words. While he was merely being truthful about the incompatibility of their status, especially giving the period this was set in, he did not consider that she probably already knew of these circumstances, add to the fact that he ruined what for her should have been a perfectly romantic moment! He also probably thought that she might appreciate a frank discussion of the murky complexities involved in a potential union, which clearly was not the case! To her it appeared that he really had no reason to marry her at all. To be so negative about what should have been a positive expression of his love, did not giver her any assurance of his feelings for her.

Elizabeth’s interpretation of his proposal was also made without considering his position. Men, by nature can be considered less emotive. Mr Darcy being the stoic and quiet type, would be even more so. Certainly such a declaration of love isn’t something he does every day, so saying the right thing isn’t going to come easy! It’s quite possible that the strength of his feelings towards Elizabeth put him in an uncomfortable position of vulnerability, which perhaps led him to treat the situation like a problem that needed to be fixed- better to get it over and done with. Also, constantly emphasising his elevated status over her, could have been an instinctual attempt to gain back an upper hand in this sea of unknown territory. What she construed as arrogant and pompous, was him dealing with his insecurities in the only way he knew how!

Overall, what I think this scene represents is a situation in which both the man and woman interpret each other’s statements according to their own personal experience, and what they would have done. This interpretation is driven by the expectation that each thinks similarly to the other and therefore should know how to do the ‘right’ thing. Yet in fact they are so different and it should be acknowledged!  I guess this situation might have been turned round if both Elizabeth and Mr Darcy had tried to put themselves in each other’s shoes before either of them opened their mouths or responded!